Mommy is losing her F*ing Mind

Hi, My name is Mom, Mommy, Mama, Mimi, MOTHER… Aubrey. I, like a billion other women, strive to not only raise children but also have dreams of a fulfilling and long lasting career which as a single mom is almost a funny punchline. My disclaimer here is that I acknowledge that all moms either single or married have their struggles so this is not a pissing match of who has it worse. Please, this is a battle that I DO NOT want to win, if you think you have it worse than me then you can win, I will make you a badge and send you some wine.

I made a choice to move away from ALL of my support network; no friends, no family… Just me and some kids. Boy, did I stick some rose colored glasses on!! This is a tough, tough road to hike, not whining just stating the truth. I have a goal to be successful, it has always been my driving force but then I have these kids who seem to always be puking, fighting, crying, needing, wanting, demanding, breaking body parts and items…. I know I am not alone. As soon as I have an extra $15, I get a phone call. “Mom, I ripped 4 pairs of jeans today”. How in the he**???

Every moment I turn around my girls are fighting then the next breath crying they are bullied at school; it is enough to drive a nun batshit crazy. A classic is to be screamed at by my 12 year old that she hates me and then 10 minutes later she comes running into my arms sobbing how much she loves me… I am in an emotionally abusive relationship and can not report it.

Today, for the first time in a long time, I was going to be on time for work. No emergencies, no broken brackets, no puking kids then… BAM I get a call from the bus stop that my 12 year old fractured her ankle (probably). Well to the ER we went and 2 1/2 hours later we left with a cast, crutches and I was $200 more poorer. The sad part is how freaking mad I had gotten; I may or may not have screamed “Fu** I am just trying to give you guys a good life”!! I left her propped up and went to work, eating breakfast on my lap while I made it to work.

I really felt that I hit an all time low, I am very blessed that my coworkers understand; they both have children and have wives to back them up… I happen to be MomDad and I am constantly screwing myself (metaphorically). After I left work last night, I had this severe debate, Unwind with beer and sushi or go have a healthy outlet of yoga… I let yoga win but it really was Dr. Jeckle/Mr. Aubrey moment. “Beer… NO!! Yoga!! BOOZE!!! Breathe in Breathe out”.

If you happen to be blessed to co-parent either married or divorced… Go hug that person, tell them you appreciate their participation, and stop your f’ing complaining. If you do it solo but have help; always tell them thank you because it is choice not obligation driving their choices. If you are in my boat, I feel for you.

All of us, no matter our situation have moments where we feel like we are failing, like we can not do it anymore but you can and you will. Just keep swimming.

 

Taking it one day at a time is a little MomDad

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. lsanders09 says:

    I have a daily partner in parenting and constantly wonder how single parents do it. Just the fact that you found time to write is amazing game to me.

    1. lsanders09 says:

      Scratch “game” – my phone loves to insert random words when I type. It’s constantly working to make me look crazy!

    2. aubreysnyder says:

      Thanks! I think we are just programmed to get thru things and think about it later. I HAVE to make time to vent, if I did not I would absolutely lose it. I know it is hard even with a partner. I appreciate your feedback…. it is amazing the little things that give us strength!!

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