Day 2: Honesty can have a bitter taste

Each morning, I have committed to writing in my journal then reflecting on it in the evening so that I can monitor my behavior, my awareness, and my shortfalls. I do not believe in dwelling in the “could’ve, would’ve, should’ve” blues but I am a firm believer in learning from our past experience.

Last night, I looked at where I made my missteps in living the life I want. I also had the pleasure to have a great conversation regarding goals and achievement. The common denominator to falling short of reaching my goals? It is me, yes me, I really can’t in good conscience blame my circumstances.

In my 20’s, I had a strong voice of self-doubt, I really learned to stifle my own creativity and ambition for the wishes of others. Man, am I glad I learned to stop this by my 30’s. It was kind of a hard pill to swallow to think that I allowed others be the driving force of losing sight of my dreams. I still have the tendency to give the opinions of others too much weight on my choices. My coping mechanism has always been to give until I can’t then I flee. These aren’t easy things to outwardly admit about yourself but I also know I have allowed myself to piss away my potential.

Bad habits are hard to break but I also do not want to look back in 50 years and realize what I let slip away. Self accomplishment and life satisfaction are vital to living a better life, they impact every aspect of your life.

So this is not just “Bash Aubrey” hour because I have accomplished a lot despite many hurdles which is why I know I am my biggest block to my goals. I have fought to get an education and have fought to have a career when I should have failed. I have the strength and perseverance to survive so pretty traumatic situations, ones that are meant to destroy people.

So what do I do with all my honesty? I learn it. The weak parts I change and the strengths I empower.

 

Taking it one day at a time.

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