I have been a loud opponent of online dating for a very long time, I have always felt that online dating is just a giant meat market, where everybody becomes an option. Recently, a friend of mine had an experience that solidified my disdain.
A friend of mine, we will call her Angie, decided to try a dating app. After mostly normal dates with no potential, she met Steve. Steve was different to her, she actually found him interesting and made her want to fall in love again. Angie complained that her only frustration with Steve was that he moved so slow and would sometimes push her away.
Side note: Angie is a gorgeous, successful, intelligent woman; I’ve admired the way people are drawn to her, she is an amazing person. So I was shocked on what she told me yesterday.
After about 9 months of dating, they had finally decided to solidified their relationship; that was a month ago. Angie found out yesterday that until August, Steve was still marketing himself on dating apps. For Angie, the hardest part was being lied to; she felt humiliated and disrespected. I know it hurt her to know that she was only an option to him while she gave him her heart. Now she questions everything, as she probably should.
I wish i had answers for her; I don’t know if she confront him, dump him, or let it go since it was prior to their monogamy. I do know, that it makes me sad for her. She deserves to be everything to someone, to be treated like a queen, to have passion, a treasure. Angie has the biggest heart of anyone I know but I do know that she is strong and not afraid of singledom. My biggest hope for Angie is that she finds peace in whatever decision she makes and that Steve understands what he could lose. In fairness, maybe Steve has had his heartbroken before and protecting it is easier. Maybe he knows how great Angie is and it scared him. If my hunch is right, I hope he grows a pair and just takes the leap.
My biggest wish for society is that we treat each other better, give people a chance, and be mindful with others heart. Could you imagine if we actually protected each other? Love can be so beautiful, messy, and complicated but it is always worth the adventure.
If you have any feedback or advice for Angie, feel free to comment.