I am 95% positive that if you asked Genevieve today if she thought that I liked her, she would tell you that I hate her. Of course, nothing could be farther from the truth; in fact, I love her so much that at times it makes me irrational. It is common knowledge that raising tween/teen girls is probably as difficult as herding cats. They are emotionally incapable of rational behavior 85% of the time. Genevieve turned 12 on Saturday and it seems we have entered our rockiest time to date.
As the parent, we are supposed to be a pillar of strength, understanding, and patience… what a load of crap. Maybe I am a weak link in my gender but most of the time I don’t say the right words or do the right things. I read the literature and I follow the experts but in the heat of the moment, i find my inner teenage girl (not always).
Yesterday, after just weeks of frustration with Genevieve I came to a boiling point and I lost it. The reason I lost it? Because I have lost the thoughtful and respectful child I raised. Her careless actions had destroyed her sister’s school project and dirtied my new car and piled on small things from the past weeks, I yelled at her. I know I said things that I feel terrible about now but I have tried every method to get through to her without avail. The worst part? 10 minutes before this she used her birthday giftcard to buy the family Starbucks and I chose to ignore that selflessness. We forgave each other later and i told her I acknowledged that I said hurtful words and although there was truth behind my intent, the words were unfair,
This blog offers no epiphany and no short term solution, maybe only solace to the mom’s out there who are stumbling through this age. Tired, frustrated, and at a loss Mom, you are not alone and you are not a bad mom if you stumble and say the wrong words. We are human, it isn’t an excuse for bad behavior but it is a reminder that we will make mistakes.
After my explosion and we got home, Genevieve retreated to the den to be alone. The mail had come and I had ordered a surprise, I sat the surprise on the desk and walked away. i felt too guilty to say a word at that moment. Later, I hugged her and told her that we were both learning and I know that she didn’t mean to be careless but we are a team and need to take care of each other. I told her I will do better to be a better mom. An hour later she asked me to play Just Dance on the XBox with her, even though I was busy, I did.
Embrace your flaws and acknowledge them. We don’t always express our love for each other in the best ways even when our hearts are in the right place. Keep striving to learn for your stumbles and mistakes, don’t dwell on your shortcomings. Behind closed doors, even the experts make mistakes.
Christmas Eve lunch with my girl.
Taking it one day at a time.
Mom Under Siege.